Time Is A Double Edged Sword

“Time heals all wounds.” ~ Ancient Proverb

Tick, tick, tick, tick
Each passing tick makes me sick
As I feel the time here go on by.

Tock, tock, tock, tock
The answer to them on the clock
As I feel the time fly as I lie.

Thump, thump, thump
I can feel my heart beat through this slump
As I see our time leave me far behind.

Hope, hope, hope
I pray for this silly dope
As I question our time, “Why?”

Time, time, time, time
That accursed killer for this crime
That brought our time here to die.

 

I tend to not publish the poetry I write, but I just felt like I had to do something for once about this. Most of you know that Tabea and I broke up last week. As much as I try, time has yet to heal the wound it caused. So, I thought now would be a good time to explain all that I know about our breakup.

1. Why did you break up?
A. Tabea wanted to have the breakup. The reason why is because she said she didn’t love me the same anymore. Tabea said that she viewed me more as a brother instead of a lover.

2. How is she?
A. As far as I can tell, she is really broken up by this whole thing and upset about the situation. She wasn’t sure that she was making the right choice when doing this, but she decided to proceed forwards for what she hope would be a better choice.

3. How are you?
A. I’ve been better. It hurts, yeah, but I’ve seen this coming for awhile. I didn’t want to break up, but I’ve been preparing myself for the possibility. The irony, for me at least, is that the week before the break up I had lowered my guard an just relaxed about our relationship.

4. Will you ever get back together?
A. Short answer, no. Long answer, there might be a slim possibility, but I really doubt it. You see, when Tabea broke up with me I said that this must be a permanent decision, no back and forth work. I still love her, God do I still love her, but I don’t want to keep hurting myself if she won’t love me.

5. Are you still friends?
A. Well, as friendly as two people who just broke up can be a few days after their break. Communication between us, as you might imagine, is very strained. Neither one of us is able to talk to the to the other without feeling strong emotions, so it is still very hard. However, I will still pass on any messages you all might have for Tabea, since she never checks here, for you if you want.

6. What will you both do now?
A. Honestly, I don’t know. I wish Tabea the best, and I hope she finds someone who is better than me in ever conceivable way. I hope she finds a guy who is cooler, better looking, smarter, more liberal, funnier, nicer, and most importantly, lover her more than I ever could be. As for me, this doesn’t prove to me that love is useless. I know that love must be incredible for me to feel this heartbroken over a woman I haven’t seen in eight months. So, for now, I’ll just lick my wounds and wait till they heal.

Thanks for reading this rant.

So I Was Writing This Public Journal And All Of The Sudden…

Hello Everyone, sorry about going off the radar with this thing. I honestly didn’t mean to just stop working on this journal thing but I got caught up with all my schoolwork that I just didn’t have any time for it. So, once again, my bad.

So, let me give you a quick recap of what has happened since I last posted.

• Me and Tabea are still together, but we just went through a rather rough patch. I would say we are better right now, but I’ll explain what happened later.
• Pat’s father is fine now, he came out of all the surgery just fine.
• I do still play D&D and have in fact done a speech on it in front of my Public Speaking class.
• My classes are still kicking my arse.
• I am planning on going to summer camp this year, and they are going to train me fairly well. I am super “duper” excited for it.

And that, my friends, should wrap up any of the loose threads I left in any of my previous posts.

Now onto the new stuff…

Week In Review: 12/29 - 1/4 (2008-2009)

December 29, 2008: Monday

Not too much has happened today. I got to talk to Tabea for a little while online, and had some fun thinking up plot ideas for D&D games. Tabea's mic on our chats always fails, so I think I need to find a way to help her set it up.

Hope I can find a way to fix it.

On a side note, Pat's father has gotten very sick. My parents say that it has something to do with his gull bladder. They took him into surgery yesterday and we are all going to check on him today. I hope he is doing OK, he is a really nice man.

December 30, 2008: Tuesday

Well, after being jarred awake by a cell phone call I quickly got to my work of lazing about. I was able to talk to Tabea for a little while, but she had to leave not to long after we started talking, and she never returned.

We need to find a better way to talk since this just doesn't seem to be working well.

After Tabea left, I decided I would help Kyle with building his adventure for D&D tomorrow. I found some games and headed over to Kyle's house to help him with it all. We shall soon see how well this all works out for Kyle. I hope he pulls off a good game since he has a large group waiting for him.

Well, New Years is tomorrow and I really can't wait to see how it all goes.

December 31, 2008: Wednesday

Well, what a day today was. I'll have to write more about this on Thursday, they overlap so much...

January 1, 2009: Thursday

OK, to explain for this strange thing here. I am treating this just like a diary, so I only write in the days that I am currently in, but not so much hindsight that the I already know what happened after the fact. Like, my hope that Kyle's DM experience would go well. Well, I can tell you this, he had some fun moments but he did hate some of it. Granted, he had good reason to detest some of the things happening, but I think he did alright for his second time DM-ing for a large group. Perhaps now I shall hear less bitching of things once the roles have reversed come Jan. 10th.

Anyways, I spent New Years with my Church's youth group, Invade, and we had a blast. I spent most of my time in the kitchen playing D&D but I did peek out at the other action going on, and we had a real party going on. Snacks, drinks, DJs, and games. I left a power cord there though, which means my Xbox is out of commission...joy.

So, what I did today. I didn't do to much today, but early in the morning, just before I went to bed, I called Tabea. It was 2 our time, so roughly 9 am her time, so I figured I would be in the clear. Turns out, someone had had a long night last night, and was still asleep. I can't blame her, I slept in longer, but her father woke her up for me. We talked for about an hour, and then I let her get to her breakfast. Didn't get to talk to her again today, but there is always tomorrow. The wonderful news is that her Birthday present is beginning. If you know what it is, shush, she doesn't!

Also, we watched a movie today called "Burn After Reading." I must say, interesting story but I didn't like it much. Out of five stars, maybe three stars for this film. I just didn't like it much. Oh well.

January 2, 2009: Friday

Well, I now have Tabea's birthday present in its beginning phase. This could be the greatest gift I have ever gotten her. For an idea of what it is, I shall tell you all what I told her, her present involves pants. If you know what the gift is, you'll get the joke. Good luck figuring it out Tabea.

In other news, I accomplished very little today. This break time is really just an excuse to relax for me. I still haven't gotten my power cord back yet, but I don't know how I'm going to get it before Tuesday. Oh well, guess this just means I wasted a few dollars on renting Tom Clancy's End War...gah!

January 3, 2009: Saturday

Well, I'll start off with something that should go in Friday, I applied for a job. I'm thinking of working at Circuit City for a little while, or Dillons as my back up plan. I just need a job for a couple of months, since things aren't getting any cheaper now-a-days.

So, the real cool thing to talk about today was the fact that I got to go to a very fun and very awesome staff party! Was fun to see all my friends from camp again and get to chill and relax with them all. I had a great time with everyone and I was also, drum roll please...elected to become the v.p. for our crew!

I'll give you time to fully appreciate that fact...OK, time's up.

Well, not much else to talk about, almost time to publish this thing though. I'm so excited!

January 4, 2009: Sunday

At last, we have reached the end of the week!

Not that much has happened though, although I heard that our band and Orchestra did great in Florida, but that can not be confirmed until tomorrow, where I shall be able to talk to Michelle and hear all about the trip. I'm sure I'll hear everything that may have happened.

Well, until next Sunday, this is Derek saying...

Take the good just as well as the bad, for you need one to appreciate the other.

Year In Review: 2008

Change, as cliche as it has become now, is probably the best word to sum up 2008. 2008 was one of the weirdest years to have ever happened in the history of my life, and I grew up during the Y2K scare. Our economy went down the drains, a new president was elected in, I got to do a sermon for youth group, Tabea went back to Switzerland and I cam following after, and quite a few of my classmates (me included) are finally adults now.

Things have changed indeed.

It is difficult to fully articulate how much the world has changed for me and for my contemporaries, so I think I'll just try to sum up my feelings on how this has all changed into small paragraph forms. Maestro, if you please:

Tabea Moving Away

This was a big deal to me, not so much to some of you. Tabea leaving was one of the hardest things for me, and it still is hard. We find a multitude of ways to stay in contact, but it is still difficult. Fortunately, when Tabea left something else happened a little bit later...

I Went To Europe

Yeah, that was pretty amazing. I got to go and see Germany, Austria, Liechtenstein, and of course Switzerland. Getting to see Europe was amazing, but getting to see Tabea again while there made the trip unforgettable. I could devote this whole post about things I got to do while there, but I don't think I have the time nor the will to do it. I will never forget all the things I got to see there, maybe the names, but never the places. Hopefully I'll get to see the Swiss Alps next year during Christmas time.

Obama Became President

This was a fairly monumental moment in history. I suppose I wasn't a main part of it per se since I vote for McCain, but I was a voter meaning I played a role in this election. Now then, I may be conservative and a Republican, but I wish Obama the best. I hope he can fix the nation to the best of his abilities, or else he will have someone else do his job. I suggest to all my friends who don't like Obama to just take a deep breath and relax, he only gets the four jobs and not even Bush screwed up the nation that bad in four years.

I Became Nature Area Director

OK, so like only four or five people will care that I got this, but it is a big deal to me. I love working at QSR and wanted to get this position badly. I didn't officially get a Director position this year, but I have been assured it next year, so that is why I put it up here. Cool things await QSR next year.

On a side note, my troop has decided to stop going to QSR. This can mean only one thing, I must take them out. I know, it may seem bad, but it is for their own good.

I Gave A Sermon

Clarification, I gave a sermon to my youth group, still a big deal but not as epic as it sounds when reading the heading. I did my homework on the whole thing for a month and really learned some amazing things about Jesus. I'm so glad I got this opportunity and I can't wait to do another sermon.

Turned 18

Yeah, that was pretty amazing. By amazing, I mean mundane. I know, poor old Derek, but I don't mind. Turning 18 was just like turning another year older to me, I didn't need anything fancy, just some friends around me willing to have a good time with me. That is all I could ask for, that and my girlfriend at my side, but no one ever gets birthday miracles unless they were also born on Christmas.

Started Several New Clubs

Correction, I started the Dungeons & Duelists Club, Chris started the Goddard Film Club. I encourage everyone around the world to join these two amazing clubs, and to give us ideas on what the hell to do with them! (I recently procured a movie related to D&D, so this means it is time to intermingle the two clubs, Mwhahahahaha!)

I Advanced To Eagle Scout

This actually started earlier in the year, but doesn't fit in with some of the other things. I have been working for the rank of Eagle since 2001. This has been a long time coming for me, and I am so happy that I have finally gotten this rank.

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That sums up 2008 and how it affected me, but how has 2008 changed for you? What events happened to make 2008 more then just a number, what made it a real year for you? Leave me some comments or write your own list and let me hear what you did.

With Much Love Towards All,

Derek

Botanica Pictures

So, I was looking back over some of my older pictures I had of me and Tabea, and found these lovely gems. I hope you enjoy some of the eye candy that my lovely model allowed me to show, and feel free to comment on the pictures.

More pictures can be seen here.

Today In Review: 12/28/2008

Hello Everyone,

Well, today was a fairly mundane day with only two things that I must point out as being very special.

First off, I got to talk to Tabea. When I say talk, I mean I got to see her! We both had our webcams set up and we talked for a good three hours about anything and everything. Getting to see her face and hear her voice again really helped ease the pain of not seeing her right now, despite the fact that it also hurt to know that what I was seeing couldn't be touched. Only so many senses at a time, eh?

The other thing was church service today. GracePoint is a very cool church, and it seems that it is getting ready to go even more outside the box than usual. I have yet to figure out what they plan on doing, but I know that this is the type of church that will really do God's will and not their own. About time we got more churches like this.

Well, I'm off to try out this game I found called "Facade" and see if it is any good.

With utmost respect,

Derek

Christmas Wrap-Up 2008

Wow, what a Christmas this was!

Well, once again me and my family made our annual trip to Illinois to see my family. I must say, we still have our family feuds out here, but we have this new strong current that the family needs to come together. This has been one of the biggest things I've been looking forward to and I can't wait to see what will happen when the family finally learns to forget all our problems and learn to all just love each other.

But this is awhile coming.

So, to sum up how my Christmas went:

• Long, long, loooong drive to Illinois which I passed with much sleeping.
• Going to the casino only to find out that being 18 still isn't old enough to gamble. (They'll let me throw my life away in the military but not my money?!)
• Hung out with my uncle Jimmy and then my cousin Alex where upon we stayed up most of the night playing Left 4 Dead.
• Woke up, played some more games, watched some Christmas movies and then headed out to Michael's Sports World.
• Played games with cousins and family.
• Went to my Grandma and Grandpa Blair's house and had my sister Sandy meet me there. (Woot!)
• Had my cousin Alex stay the night again and we played more Left 4 Dead.
• Lazed about the last day here and then went to my Grandma's house for one last big dinner with family.

Well, that about sums up the Christmas season I had. Was fun, as you can see by the pictures I have posted on here. Can't wait to see how next year goes when I go see Tabea!

Well, till next time.

Derek

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